Fragile Heart

He stared up at the sky, not bothering to reply. She might be frustrated, but she brought this upon herself and she had to keep that in mind. No one forced her to make that choice but herself. If she started blaming other people then he might as well give up any hope of them working past her change, since she would just be bitter. Prehaps so would he, if he wasn't so reluctant even now he could see her as the basis for why everything he had once had had gone wrong.
Bored he stood up quickly glancing back down at her. He could still see her marked skin, and after the tone of their conversation it was easy to picture her with pitch black eyes. He quickly turned away, not liking to think about it. Demons paired off- it wasn't entirely unheard of even if not common. But that simply did not offer much consolation to him now, knowing that they would both probably change in the long period of time between now and when they could ever be like this once more. Finding her would be hard enough, virtually impossible if only one actually cared to make the effort. She already seemed pretty set on death as she was right now, and so he supposed he could not win either way. Her knife seemed like a more and more favourable option.

She sat on the floor, even as he got up, but glanced at him a few times through the awkward silence between them.
He seemed restless, even if not as restless as she was. She always wondered what he thought of, what hid behind his pitch black eyes.
"Are you scared too?" The question was out before she could stop to realize what she was saying. Her thin, broken voice did nothing to make her feel better about her statement, and it was all it took for her to give in to the tears. Though she did not dare cry, her tears watered up so quickly she looked away before he turned around to watch her. She was on the brink of no longer caring for how much of her weaknesses she exposed. He might not care, but he was the only person she felt she could share her emotions with since the day she was born. She could no longer hold it in.

He didn't know whether or not to be truthful, after all she was scared enough as it was. But he finally decided that there was no point lying to each other, not when they were basically all each other had left. He may not be used to it, but he would gradually have to face the fact that he no longer had someone to report to or rely on, and he would have to on some level trust her.
'I've done this before' he said faintly. 'More than once.. I'm more scared for you in all honesty, what happens next..' He shrugged it off quite quickly though. Being afraid did not change anything, he would have to endure the pain and hope it worked itself out. He walked over and sat by her, ignoring her tears as he had grown to do. 'You will get through it, everyone does. Even if you think what you dealed for was completely useless, you might find that you can find something from this..' He then decided to stop talking, doubting she would see any benefits right now.

She looked at him and laughed, but it was a joyless laugh. The kind of laugh that would easily turn into a fit of hysterical crying instead, but she kept her face for without the tears and the red cheeks that was growing on her. He made no sense to her, his words seemed random and meaningless.
"What do you even mean by that?" she asked inbetween her frustrated laugh, before she stopped. She felt she could no longer use her voice at all without giving into the temptation of breaking in front of him. The tears she feverishly tried to blink away, but to no avail. Her eyes kept watering.

'Most deals people make rashly, and they never quite work out how they want them to' he said simply. 'Most don't find any consult in the deal themselves, or gain much satisfaction from it. But their own needs are matched later on, with what the Pit offers.' He shrugged. 'Just don't assume you will be instantly unhappy I guess, even if you are scared now. Knowing more about this place isn't really helping you right now..' He looked over her way, thinking, but knowing that there were few words that would help her right now.

She wanted to ask more, but in the end she only managed to open and close her mouth, without daring a sound. Her voice was thin she knew, and she was afraid of what her deluded mind would tell him. She wanted to confess to him she knew, she could feel every aching bone in her body, every fiber, wanting to share her pain and fears with him. She didn't know why she should, or even how she could, but she wanted to none the less.
"Don't just assume I'll be fine," she dared say after a while of collecting herself. I'm weak, she wanted to yell. I can't do this, I'm weak. I'm weak. I'm weak. I'm nothing, this is all just pretend. I have never been strong. Never, never, never. And I can't handle this, I just can't.

He looked down, sighing as he tried to think of a way to reason with her. Eventually however he could only force himself to say what he had tried to avoid telling her, knowing it was pointless to try and keep up with some kind of facade she did not probably care about.
'I think I know better than you think' he said reluctantly, avoiding looking her way from how pathetic it was. 'But lets just say I wasn't exactly the mass-murdering type..'
He knew he wasn't a perfect case study of fine, but still he had coped. Surely that would be of some consolidation to her, but he was unsure if she would even care.

Her head snapped up to look at him, even her tears shocked to shyness. Surely she must have either heard or interpreted his words wrongly, but his bodylanguage seemed to prove otherwise. The idea seemed preposterous, but she could not laugh, only leave her mouth open in a dumbstruck moment as she did nothing but stare at him in wonder. Somehow the idea made her happy, knowing he was not as evil as she had assumed him to be, even if that did not make up for his actions after his death. It still made her feel somewhat satisfied, as if somehow he was more human than she had dared hope. The idea, in any case, still seemed too farfetched for her to believe, though she didn't understand why she had such trouble believing it.
"You dealt," she said finally, and though the tone of her voice suggested otherwise it was more a statement than a question.

'Yes' he said reluctantly, a flicker of shame in his eyes. 'I did go through this I suppose, its kind of hazy now.' He could remember the rage he felt towards the female crossroads demon who had tricked him, but his grief and sorrow were much more imbedded and pushed aside. They reflected weakness, whilst anger could have been utilised in the Pit. It was quite easy to see how his own being had been manipulated over time.
'More than anything I would have wished you not to make the same decision, but equally it doesn't mean you are entirely lost. I know it doesn't mean much to you but to gain Lillith's trust is significant. You can make this what you want it to be' he muttered, but it was clear he did not like talking about it. Any reference to his deal was forced, as if it was evident he had spent a long while simply pretending it had not happened.

"Fuck Lillith!" she spat out. "You keep her, she holds no interest to me as long as she lives." The words were spit out in nothing but spite and anger. It was true, the only thing she wanted of Lillith was her death, and even that took more contact with the demon than she wished for.
"What did you deal for?" she asked instead to change the subject. She was also honestly curious. He didn't seem like the type who would ask anyone for anything, but she supposed he had been different as a human. It couldn't hurt to get to know his human side more, it might help her despice his demon self to such a degree. Love him she did, but yet she hated him with an intense passion for all he had done, not just to her.

He sighed, of course she would not get his point. But although her initial time may be hard, she could end up experiencing much better than the average demon if she so chose. Her unwilling stubborn nature was not helping her see now, but she would eventually.
'Didn't want to die' he said simply. 'I wasn't thinking that through though. As I said, deals backfire.' He shrugged. 'Certainly got what I asked for though' he smirked finally, before looking away at something else. He really did not like talking about it. He had been a greedy and stupid human being, and only ending up ruining everything for himself.

The change of focus from her to him was gladly welcommed by her. She had no interest in talking or thinking more about her own deal, and saw her opportunity when he brought forth this subject. This way they could focus solemly on him instead and his previous decisions. Still, his answer somewhat confused her. She didn't realize what he meant, or how a deal would help his case, surely that would just make the inevitable death closer.
"How would a deal help keep you alive?" she asked curious, but didn't let anything but her usual blankness show.

'It can when you are awaiting the hangman's noose' he said. 'And unlike you I did not deal for anything but 10 years, and considering I was hardly expecting to outlive that by much it seemed like a better alternative.' He had mostly been panicking that the longer he waited the more likely it seemed someone would turn over his alibi, in which case his head would not be the only one on the line. But of course the demon had only pardoned him, not anyone else. It had all gone as feared.

"So you were a criminal," she sighed, not surprised, but still the more disappointed. She knew she could not ignore the horrors of what he had done after he had turned, but she had hoped he had at least once been a human with a heart. She had hoped she could some time see that side of him, but if it was nothing more than he was now, she had lost all hope of that. It seemed he had never been decent, regardless of his species.

'In those day's they would hang you for just about anything' he said, annoyed. 'I robbed from people, yes, but they tried me for a murder that I did not commit. Of course theiving was also deserving of the noose, so regardless I was a dead man, but a couple of ladies losing their jewellery every so often was hardly the crime of the century.' He did not like her disappointed tone of voice.

It was almost funny to her how much had changed since his time, and imagining the way of robbing he was describing almost seemed charming by comparison to today. Everything about his era seemed widely more charming than that of today. Perhaps why she had never seemed interested in any of the guys from the 21th century, but seemed so instantly drawn to that of Rin. The idea seemed weird, yet it made her wonder.
"How did they get you free?" she asked. She was well aware a crossroads demon could make any human wish reality, yet it seemed they would make some kind of event to happen for such a great wish to come true. Breaking out of prison she was sure was not that easy, even in his time.
"Bribed the... ehh..." she was about to ask a question, but was suddenly unsure wether to call it a sherif, an officer or something completely different. History classes had never been her forté, but she suddenly wished she had paid a lot more attention as their teacher spoke of that century.

'Never underestimate the powers of a woman' he smiled, but his expression darkened. 'Somone came forward with an alibi, and they were able to free me under specific circumstances. I'm not sure how it came to be, all I know is that one minute I was in prison and the next she was there with the rights for me to go free. I didn't think to ask of her means at the time.'

It seemed a decent excuse, and not one she thought to question, so she simply didn't.
"Bloody hypocrit," she muttered instead as she remembered how stern he had been with her in the short period after finding out what she had done with Calcifer. It seemed unfair that he was to judge her knowing very well he had done the same, but for more selfish means than her.
"Bet you regretted that just as soon as I did." She still couldn't say if she truely regretted it, or if she would do it again if she had the chance, but she knew it scared her, and the thought of the deal filled her with dread and a numb emptiness. She assumed that could be called regret.

'More than anything when I realised what the sacrifice was' he said, not talking about his soul. 'And 10 years truely feels like a lifetime when you know what you are waiting for. I wholly recommend you find an alternative means of death, Lillith's hellhounds and not entirely sympathetic.'
He shrugged. 'May be hypocritical, but still a reasonable thing to be annoyed at. I would have to be a fool to wish the same decisions to be made by the likes of you.'

She snorted as if mocking him and shook her head. He really was as thick as a brick wall.
"Demons will get me way before the damn hellhounds will be offered a taste. Lillith, Azazel, you, heck I wouldn't be surprised if Proteus killed me himself," she said, almost laughing, but the sadness of her words kept her from it. She couldn't see who it would be to end her life, even her allies seemed a possibility right now, even Rin. The only thing her various thoughts could agree on was that someone would, and it was inevitable.

'Well I suppose we can only say thats a good thing' he said with a sigh, but he wasn't so convinced of her death as she was. The knife in her hand gave her a fighting chance, and that was more than anything.
'Doesn't matter, we will come to that when we have to' he said simply, not really wanting to talk about her death. If it was so obvious to her she might as well quit talking about it.

"I'm certain you'll make sure of it," she said with a faked smile. If he wanted her to escape the claws of the hellhounds, she was also certain he would not be shy to take matters into his own hands if need be. Though reluctant before, he now knew her death was inevitable, and furthermore knew that she would not be taken from him if he was to slit her throat. There seemed to be no further reasons for why he would not kill her.

'I think thats a decision best made by you' he said, not liking the prospect of having to kill her if it was not entirely necessary. 'We shall see where matters go' he decided. 'You still have a long time to go now, relatively speaking. Its best not to be hasty, as you should have learnt rash decisions don't exactly pay, and you will want to make the most of the time you have now rather than waste it.'
He sighed. He didn't like talking about this, or talking about his deal, and now his paitence was running thin.

"Oh, so you've started to trust me have you?" she teased and smiled at him. He had never been known to leave a decision up to her, yet she knew him to be right. No one else could make it for her, unless they forced themselves, and she doubted Rin had the balls to even try to do that.
Tired of discussing anything with him, she leaned in closer to him, just to stop herself before long. He seemed annoyed and she was rather uncertain whether he would welcome the change or simply push her away. She figured he could not do worse than what he had already done to her, and so she quickly laid her lips upon his without further hesitation. It was one way to shut him up, and a rather effective way at that.

He kissed her back, but his mind was still elsewhere. Their discussion had only reminded him of things he had purposely avoided, and now that things were out in the open he no longer had the choice but to remember. It frustrated him to think that at the end of the day the only thing her would be capable of doing to help Miriam was to kill her himself, and hide away the means of her pernamently killing herself in the future. Both grim propsects, but the best they could wish for now.